Picture Explanation:
they have this weird tradition in peru when every once in a while, they put a bunch of stuff in trees, have a party, and cut down the trees and collect the stuff, like a pinata, but it´s a tree. It´s weird...but I laugh when I see it.
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So I think I´m just gonna write from my journal again...
"Martes, 15 de Julio, 2014
Wow. It´s been so long since I´ve written. I can´t decide if I´d call these weeks really eventful or uneventful. Like I wrote the last time, I went to the temple and that was great. It really motivated me to work again, and I got back into it for a bit, but then I lost it again. I´ve been fighting it so hard, but I feel like the majority of the time, I lose. I´ve been trying. I´ve been succeeding, I´ve been failing. It´s hard. I could never understand everything that was going on. I didn´t know what I lacked. But yesterday, Jordan wrote me. The first paragraph said that his letter was meant to be a slap in the face, and it was. He pretty much told me that what I lacked was faith. I had stopped believing in the blessings, I wasn´t improving, I was going backwards. He said exactly what was happening, that I didn´t understand. I had veen feeling the lack of personal progression/faith, but I never realized that was what I was feeling. I thought it was just lack of obedience and diligence, and I didn´t realize I wasn´t obeying or being diligent because I didn´t have enough faith. I have even gotten to the point of doubting my testimony, something I haven´t done in a long time. I still knew everything was true, but I started to doubt that it applied to me. He was able to put it in words because he said it happened to him in his mission. After reading his letter, I thought about it all day. I pondered why I let it all happen. And then, in the night we went to a Family Night. While we were waithing, we watched church clips. One video was a talk or part of the talk by Elder Holland, directed to missionaries/mission presidents. He was talking about how the missionaries ask "why is it so hard?" And his response was because "salvation was never easy." Christ suffered so much for us, that we, as people/members/missionaries, have to suffer too so we can even begin to understand all that he suffered. It was so powerful, because it was the answer I was looking for. I have to suffer to understand the price of salvation.
After our daily planning, I said the closing prayer. I remember just opening up my heart and telling the Lord everything. I asked him for help, forgiveness. I asked him to help me be the leader that I was. I asked Him to help me guide Elder Sanchez. And I said a lot more. I felt the spirit guiding me throughout the prayer. After I said that prayer, I just stayed kneeling down, and poured out my heart. I told Him I was sorry. I begged for forgiveness. I wish I could truly describe how I felt in that prayer. I felt so...humble. I truly wanted to change, and KNEW that God could and would help me do it. I felt forgiven, I felt the love of God. I felt the lacking faith start to strengthen. I felt a connection with the Lord through His spirit. I can say now, without a hint of doubt, that I know my Savior lives. I know that through Him, I can receive the remision of my sins. I know He loves me and will carry me through the trials, if I have faith in Him. He will make me the person that I cannot make myslef. He will make me clean. He has done it already, and now, I just have to keep going, trusting in Him, and I will keep feeling His guiding spirit.
Lunes, 21 de Julio, 2014
I feel like it´s been way more than a week since that (above) happened. This week was eventful and powerful. That slap in the face from Jordan, and my true desire to strengthen my faith, changed this week. All this week, I´ve been on overdrive, I did it all, and I wanted to do it. More than anything, I was able to teach with the spirit. I was able to teach what the Lord wanted me to. It was fantastic, I was happy.
The real news of this week is from Saturday and Sunday. On Saturday, Krisstell got baptized! She´s 12 and has been going to church for about 3 months, on her own without help from us, just help from her neighbors There is a new rule from the area presidency that if a little kid is going to get baptized, without the family, they have to go to church for at least 2 months, that´s why Krisstell hasn´t gotten baptized. But finally, on Saturday, she got baptized! She´s such an interesting little girl. Interesting/strange/random, I don´t know. But she cracks me up. Then on Sunday, she got confirmed! It is such a great feeling to help someone to Christ through baptism.
The other experience was Sunday. We went (me and Euler, a youth in the ward) to a less active family. He was a bishop, she was a leader, and now they´re both inactive, along with everyone of their kids. We´ve been working hard there, for a long time (I met them my first week here). The mom and son have come back to church a couple of times, but never the husband. Yesterday, when we got there, only the wife was home, ans she was sick. We offered to give her a blessing and before that, we taught a little about the faith. And while we were teaching that, she asked us something along the lines of "how can I know what comes from God and what comes from satan?" The spirit told me to pull out Moroni 7, so we did. We read verses 16 and 17 that say anything that invites you to god, is from Him. And anything that pulls you away from Him, is from satan. So we taught that, and I shared my experience from last week. How I didn´t know what to do, and only throgh sincere prayer could I get back. i invited her to prayer and ask God what she needed to change. To go through every aspect of her life, and chose/decide which things are blessings and which things aren´t. We taught that and I thought we were going to finish and she started to talk. She started to tell me all of her prblems with her husband (there were a lot of them). She told me they lived separate for 2 years, and now they´re together again just for their youngest son, but they hate each other. They live their separate lives. She said she just went to church for her youngest son (15) so that he can go on a mission, have a family. And after he´s out of the house, she´s going to stop even pretending to care about the church. It was painful to listen to. And the entire time she was talking, I was thinking "oh crap. oh crap. oh crap. What am I going to say?????" But then what is says in PMG came to mind, just to listen to the person and the spirit and the spirit will testify of the things to say. And it´s true. The Lord filled my mouth. I spoke with the "tongue of angels" like it says in Nephi. Elder Schouten did not teach that lesson, but the Lord did, using his mouth. It was powerful. I cried as I taught about Christ´s Atonement. I testified with a certainty of the Atonement and why the Lord has called leaders like the bishop to guide us. That the repentance process is a process of happiness. I invited her to talk to the bishop so she can get her life back on track with the Lord. The whole 2 and 1/2 hour lesson was such a testimony to me of the guidance of the spirit and the importance of priesthood leaders. I´m so grateful the Lord saw fit to chasten me so that I could once again trust in Him and be an instrument in His hands."
That´s the news of the week. I hope you can all read it and feel the spirit of what happened, and the joy that I feel now because of the faith that I have in Jesus Christ.
love
Elder Schouten
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